Dear Mayday

I was bad today. I vented my anger on my fren when he did nth to me.. Haiz.. Feel so bad, so guilty.. I didn really mean it.. Sorry.. Really sorry..

I tried to be nice.
I tried to be friendly.
I tried to smile.
I tried to talk less.
I tried to be deaf.
I tried to be blind.
I tried to be mute.
I tried to act blur.
I tried to laugh.
But why...

When u were in the dilemma, the ship sank..

说不出的‘泪’。。

Sat went back to work.. It was damn tiring, cos I was alone taking care of the shop.. Wow, like tat sia.. Luckily managed it, though my performance abit poor.. Hey, it was crowded in the afternoon lo.. So nervous.. After work, went out wit Joanne to Marina Square.. Haha, enjoyed it.. Bought a necklace at Diva.. The usual price was $13, den dropped to $2.50!! Got keys, lockers n heart-shape.. Den we went to Esplanade.. Omg, there're people all around lo.. Sianz.. Can't find a nice place to relax.. I whole day didn eat anything :S.. Luckily didn faint.. I also donno why I can tah han.. Tat's the 1st time I didn eat anything for the whole day...

太多的事情，太少的时间……
我就是睡不够啦！！

说不出的感受。。

我没有能力留住身边的每一个人，但我希望他们会幸福。我很珍惜他们，因为每一个相遇都是一种缘。希望他们也会珍惜我，不要忘记我。。

That was Christina today..

1) "Can u don always 'shoot' at me?" and she blinked at little girl(Hm.. Little girl was totally hurt.. Nth to say but silent.).. (Didn Christina say tat everybody should try and don b shy??)
2) Little girl did say "my fault" druing 1 lesson over a small thing.. Another girl pointed to me "you're a good fren". Hm.. Wondering wat did she realise?? But little girl feel tat she's nt qualified for the phrase..
3) ... ...
4) ... ...
5) Ended the day peacefully wit ya is me and sry..

Above are jus 4 fun! :) Mini story, haha.. Story??

Mayday mayday, little girl jus wan to be nice but didn turn to b in other ppl's eyes.. N ended up hurting more n more but accepted silently.. Her heart had broken into tiny little pieces.. She needs ur love!! Pls give her ur love!! MAyday mayday mayday!!

Tml is Monday.. OMG.. Monday blue.. Somemore I need to stay in sch till 9.30pm! Dotz.. Jus hope tat time will tick faster.. Hm.. Notice tat I've been using English to blog nowadays.. Somemore is Singlish.. Haha.. Abit messy la.. Hey hey, it takes much longer time to type Chinese leh.. Nt tat I'm nt perseverant, it's jus to save time.. As long as the real feeling remains, wat matters more?..

Haiz haiz.. I've used a total of ~6 hrs to do 1 piece of Maths hw from ytd till today.. It's pretty difficult lo.. I need to refer to tis n tat.. Argh, very confused.. My papers are untidy lo.. My working squeeze here and there, liquid till my paper gonna tear.. 1st topic ard so tough.. Hm..

She misses me?..

天上的风吹散了云的伤痕，我才开始慢慢的学会平衡……

I'm sick.. Flu, fever, sore throat.. Hm.. Guess I hav to get enough rest during tis wkends..

I hav changed my French module to Accounting.. Jo said she don like Marketing.. So we both go to Accounting.. Whether is Marketing or Accounting, I'm fine wit both.. As long as don stay in French class.. There're only 10 students in my French class lo.. So many ppl dropped sia.. So shocked.. Den also very stress.. Cos all of dem look quite smart.. Haiz.. Den my frenz said I pang seh Sisi.. Like my fault like tat.. There's no link between dropping the module and pang seh my fren lo.. I can't catch up the lesson, is nt my fault.. Watever la..

Had been studying for 4 days but feel like didn learn anything at all.. Dotz.. Then today.. Don talk abt it liao.. Damn scary.. Anything goes wrong is always part of my fault.. My fault, my fault, my fault..

Still wondering wat she wanted to say tat time.. But I guess is nt sth gd.. Cos she said hard to say.. Wow, then i guess say out will hurt me a lot bah.. :S And somemore she used 'strangers' to describe us.. Hm.. Hope she didn really mean tat.. Mayb sch jus starts, everyone's mood seems nt right.. Plus the weather is so hot, will get hot tempered easily.. Our friendship won't b tat fragile de..

Went to Wei De's hse after sch.. We gambled at his hse.. Tat's fun.. There were Jo, Rose, Yin Tian, Fauzee, Jimmy, Jin Siong, Wei De, Zhi Chuan and me altgt.. Tink tat's the largest gathering we had so far since we knew each other..

Feel so empty and lonely these few days.. Can't accept the fact tat i lost so many classmates.. Nigel, Kok Yong, Wei De, Sunder, Teck Chai, Fauzee, K Seng.. Miss their voice during lessons.. They like to shout, make fun n joke.. But nw, the class atmosphere seems very wrong..

Mayb she jus don like me..

Today went out wit my classmates. Before I met them, I went to Bedok to buy treatment for my hair.. It was damn hot.. I reached there 12 sth.. Then I went to the NLB for the air-con.. Stay there for while and borrowed 1 self-improvement bk.. After tat took MRT to Pasir Ris den to Dhoby Ghuat.. (The time was still early, tat's why.. Was trying to pass time..)

Went to watch movie, Meet The Robinsons.. That's a nice show.. Said abt we mus move forward in life and nt hold on to the past.. Let bygones be bygones.. Keep the happiness and abandon sadness.. Well, great lesson taught but I don tink it'll work on me.. Haha..

Went to eat steamboat after tat.. Hm.. Feel tat the last time we went to eat steamboat is more fun though there were only 4 of us tat time.. Jus feel it's enjoyable.. But today, so-so only.. Nth much to chat.. Wow, feel like back to beginning of yr 1.. Like jus noe dem and donno wat to say and how to continue their conversation..

Sch reopened make me realise tat I did enjoy my holi.. Cos I had more time wit _, where most of the time only the 2 of us are tgt.. Feel like we're more closer to each other.. But sch starts, well jus look and u can c how busy it is here n there.. Ya, happiness is short, but tat's enough cos I really enjoyed very much le.. For nw, I mus get used to the sch environment again.. I hav to get used tat I don hav much to talk wit my classmates.. I hav to get used tat some of my classmates are no longer wit us.. I hav to get used to having only 2 classes for lecture.. I hav to get used to the sarcastic comments tat I might hear from bla bla bla.. N many many more.. Road is tough in front.. So I mus b stronger......

Argh.. Need to go bathe.. Body damn sticky.. Argh..

Back to sch again.. The 1st lesson was damn boring. The teacher is very strict lo.. If late for donno how many mins is considered late.. Wah Kao.. And nw lecture only consists of 2 classes!! How to survive sia.. Last time 7 groups all have lecture tgt more fun, and more noise.. Nw.. I can't laugh too loud anymore, I can get caught easily at anytime.. Argh.. WTF..

I was feeling damn uncomfortable for the whole day.. The weather is hot and I sweat a lot.. Tat made me feel very uneasy.. And I keep feeling that I'm dirty or sth.. I also keep feeling that people are looking at me like I'm dirty or ugly.. OMG, depression??!! Tink is this few days I slp too little that's why tink too much bah.. Argh! Donno.. Jus feel very uncomfortable..

My class is getting less and less people.. And it seems like it's getting worse.. Early in the morning, met my frenz they all at Yio Chu Kang MRT.. Die die 1st thing people asked is result! Result, result and result!! The 1st one to ask me is Sham! He asked me abt my GPA.. He tot I got 3.9 sth.. But I told him 3.7.. He tot I was lying.. Fcuker! Was damn angry at the time, but jus didn wan to show out.. And he even told me he got how many As and 1 DIST.. Then after that Ying Tian, nan etc also asked.. They were shocked I got ONLY 2 As.. Keep asking how come how come.. WTF, how I know! Don ask stupid q can! Actually I'm quite OK wit my result le.. But when they asked and I also know their result, wow feel way way down lo.. It made me feel more tat I didn really put in effort for the exams lo.. And somemore Sisi asked me if I got A for my 1024, I said I didn get lo.. Den she was shocked cos Ye Zi copied mine and got a A!! Wah kao!! Why mus they come and tel me all these when I didn even open my mouth and ask!! Argh!!......

My hair is very dry today.. And this made my mood even worse.. And J, busy as usual.. She's always very busy. Half way wit us, she went to look for her fren.. Rose jus broke wit his bf and was damn upset, J need to keep her acc so tat she won't feel lonely.. Den com lesson got 1 repeat student which is J' fren, she also need to look after her cos she is alone in the lesson.. She has so many things to do and none of it I could help.. So I also didn wan to talk much during lesson.. And during the lesson J they all were laughing away which I can't catch it. (as usual...) I also can't be bother, jus wan to go home asap to bathe.. Feel my body sticky.. Oh ya, and today I also realised another thing.. Actually I've nth much to talk my girl classmates.. Jus don say abt nan they all.. Today we were having lunch at AMK Hub, and Sisi, Ye Zi and Jo sat tgt.. They talked and laughed a lot.. And it's continuous.. Tat I realised tat I seldom hav so much thing to chat wit them.. Esp Ye Zi, she seldom got things to talk to me and I donno why..??? If I'm NOT Jo's fren, I don tink I'll click wit my classmates.. Cos I like to gao zi bi..

Argh.. Heck care.. Jus feel so lousy today..

Yesterday went to Tampines with Jing Fen. It was raining heavily in the afternoon. We were wet when we reached Eunos MRT. Argh.. Spoilt my mood.. Actually we had palnned to go Escape but it only opens on Sat, Sun and School Holiday. Luckily I remember about it, or else we will have waste the trip to there. Haiz.. Then we gave suggestions.. I suggested to play bowling, she suggested to catch a movie.. I suggested to play pool, she suggested to go Kbox.. Suggestions continued.. But neither of them matched.. So in the end, we decided to catch a movie.. (I don wan to turn to quarrel over small thing..) Actually when we talked on the phone we had planned to watch Meet The Robinsons, but when we reached TM cinema, she looked at the movie schedule and said this nice that nice.. ( She had forgotten that we had already planned, dotz..) Then she even called her bf and discussed what movie to watch.. (Wah lao, I transparent meh??) In the end, we watched The Reaping. She told me was horror.. Yup, it's horror but it's about Christian thing. (Don't really under the story lo.. Cried..) But the ending was alright.. Haiz, nvm..

Oh ya! Saw Rose's bf at TM. That fcuker! He broke with Rose a few days ago, then yesterday went to catch a movie with new gf! Can't stand this kind of guy. When they like you, they will do all they can to get your heart.. But when they broke up with you, they treat you like stranger.. Wah Kao! Lcukily, none of my boy friends are like that de.. If got, I don't think is worth being their friend, cos they won't take any relationship seriously.. Only bull shit!

Today morning went to school to help up the orientation. Very bored lor.. Like nothing for us to do. Just helped to carry boxes of mineral water from one place to other. Actually didn't feel like going cos Jo can't go but need to accompany a friend,aiya, so it's alright. Then it was damn hot, I was wearing 2 T-shirts somemore, and the outside one is black color. Hm.. Didn't see any handsome guy.. Dotz.. Saw a lot of foreigners for engineering course..

下午时分，我和思思到牛车水逛逛。别以为牛车水没有东西给我买耶。虽然那里没有卖什么适合我的衣服，但我买了不少零食和日用品耶。花了不少钱呐… 唉呦，结下来几天又要剩吃借用了。：（ 每次出门花钱，结下来几天都蛮难过的… 啊，然后今天看到童年吃的饼干，好开心喔。好不犹豫就买了下来。我还记得小时候妈妈常常买这饼干给我。：） 这几天我心情也不怎么好，因为前天发现小学时拍的大头贴一整叠都弄丢了。很伤心耶。我不可能丢掉的。不是收拾时不小心和不要的一起丢了，就是还在这房子。妈的，可千万不要是第一个可能性。唉… 可是要找回的机会并不高… 今天买到童年并，才让我心情好一些。牛车水的货品真的比别的地方便宜很多耶。以后买日用品一定要到那里买！